Turns out I'm not a superhero, and I still need my mom!

I never really thought that I was a superhero, let me say that first.  I think I did get lulled into a false sense of security when people would make this comment to me a lot, "I don't know how you do it!  3 kids under 5 while your husband is gone."  I don't think being a parent to 3 kids is that big of deal, being a parent is hard work, even if you have both parents under one roof.  Parenting is supposed to be a challenge.  If it was easy then what would we have to laugh about somedays?  It is a privilege for  me to be a mom to Rory, Brendan and Jack, and yes it is a challenge.  So sometimes when I think about all the people who have said to me "I don't know how you do it", I really do want to take it as a compliment, I think, but then I think, you are clearly not in my house at 3:30pm until 8pm...then you would be wondering how have these children not been taken away from their mother yet?

Of course I am kidding, but any parent knows that kids "witching hour", no matter their age, always strikes at dinner time, and my house is no different! This is a daily occurrence, always has been, always will be, but it's in this time that the phrase "I don't know how you do it" keeps popping into my head, and that's when I really hate it.  I feel like I'm not suppose to lose my cool, not suppose to raise my voice when Rory won't acknowledge anything that I say to her, not throw my hands up when Jack has dumped yet another box of Life cereal on the floor and is sitting in it making "cereal angels", not want to feel like a total failure when I can't understand why Brendan is screaming and I can't figure out why, and he can't tell me.

A few weeks ago I would say I hit rock bottom, not Charlie Sheen rock bottom, but my bottom.  Both of the boys had croup, I was going on day 5 of little to no sleep.  That's when I made the call to my Mom.  I asked her to come out, that I needed help and I thought that I was losing my mind...sleep deprivation will do that to you.  My superhero Mom then said "let me book a ticket" and I swear 20 minutes later she sent me her flight confirmation. 

I know that she wished I would have asked her for help earlier, but when you keep having people tell you "I don't know how you do it"  you feel like you should be able to do this, especially when this is deployment #5 since I have known Bryan and deployment #3 since we have had kids.  So yes, it is hard for me to ask for help, and honestly anyone who knows we well, knows this.  I know my Mom could hear it in my voice that I needed help, but she also knew that I have the greatest neighbors in the world, and I would be more likely to ask them for help then to ask my parents to buy last minute tickets and fly half way across the country.  Never doubt that your mother knows you best!

I promise that their visit could not have come at  a better time, they may think differently as we had an unexpected 8 inch snow dumping!  For the first snow storm this winter I didn't have to worry about how I was going to shovel out the driveway without having to run back inside every 10 minutes to settle some disagreement between the kids, or get someone a snack or a drink.  I was also able to get about 10 meals stocked in our new chest freezer with Mom and I taking turns cooking!  I was also able to get several nights of uninterrupted sleep.  By the time I had to drop them off at the airport I was able to think clearly again, and I had my wits back!

My Mom will always be my superhero, and the kids think that Mammy and Kip are pretty special too!

Well, I clearly spoke to soon...

After basking in the glow our first "sort of back to normal" school week I was awoken with a HUGE slap in the face, well it wasn't that huge but a ridiculous wake up call at 5:15 from Jack was just rude.  Not only was it rude, he was beyond cranky.  If you haven't experienced it, let me warn you that a 2 year old who wakes up cranky isn't pretty, because not only is he in a cranky bad 2 year old mood, he tends to also wake everyone else up putting them in bad moods too!  Add to that, Rory making a horrific sounding cough and complaining almost in tears of a sore throat....yeah, all before a cup of a coffe...guess who is in a bad mood now!

Off to the Doctor office by 8:15, 2 out of 3 kids cultured and now all 3 are screaming and crying...what's a mom to do??  Go home and give them all oreos at 9am.  Not my proudest moment, but there isn't anymore screaming and now I have stopped crying too.

It's the days like these when I hate deployments the most.  Yes I know they are a fact of our life, I'm not complaining about that.  It's just easier when your husband is here with you to help you through it, and it's 100 times harder when you are missing part of the team.  I never want to say anything to Bryan about how it's really going over here, because how fair is that?  It's not like he can make it any better, and he has other things he needs to be focused on.  We are 6 months in and we have a little less than 6 months to go, so I'm going to have a pity party for one..and I'll be done with it at 12:01am Tuesday morning...

Did that really just happen??

Have we just completed 5 consecutive days where kids went to school???  What??  No wonder I'm feeling at little unsettled.  This feat hasn't been accomplished since late last year!  Am I being slightly dramatic about this??  Perhaps, but you have not been in my house, so there!

The funny thing is, here I am all excited about this, knowing that we'll get through another 5 days of a "normal" schedule again next week, and then we're right back to square one...damn you President's Day!

Oh well, I'm sitting here and enjoying the quiet, planning the activities for the upcoming weekend, and praying that all 3 kids stay in their own beds until at least 5:45 tomorrow morning...I'm a simple girl you know!

A break up letter to Winter

Dear Winter,
I'm sorry to say that it is time for us to go our separate ways.  We had a nice time when we were happy, we had our first snow fall, the kids loved it.  We had a magical Christmas Eve snowfall, and a perfect Christmas with Bryan home from Iraq.  It was January 2 of the New Year that things began going south for us...

Bryan returned to Iraq, the kids tried to get back into the school routine, but it just wasn't working.  We had illnesses, temper tantrums, and too many days of being stuck in the house.  I've spent far too much time with the shovel, and not enough time sledding, building snowmen and making snow angels.

Yes, we've had good times, like lots of fun with our neighbors commiserating about the shoveling and the ridiculous amount of snow days that the kids have had.  We have shared meals and bits of sanity, all while the kids have fun wild to get out the aggravation of not being able to play outside because it is -10 degrees outside.   Bryan and I were also able to share a wonderful weekend together to reconnect and recharge mid-deployment, but was it really necessary to slap me in the face upon my return home with a blizzard and 3 home bound snow days???

Let's be adult about this, and just appreciate what our time together was, and move on.

Thank you..

P.S.  The ice dam on my roof causing the water to leak onto my living room ceiling was a rather childish way to get back at me for breaking up with you.

Big Steps and Letting Go

Brendan hit a big milestone today, and he did it in the most wonderfully subtle way. 

Lately Brendan has been REALLY walking...no more scooting as his preferred mode of transportation, and it is so incredible to see how proud he is of his accompishments!

The milestone came this afternoon as Brendan, Jack and I were running into the Commissary to pick up a few things for dinner and it had just started to rain, so when I got the boys out of the car my natural instinct is to pick up both of them and carry them through the parking lot in order to get out of the rain.  Once we got to the covered area in front of the store I put Brendan down and grabbed his hand and off we went.  Then it happened.  He let go.  He let go and he brushed my hand away.  He brushed it away again, and he walked away, all by himself. 

To anyone walking by, it was a typical 3 year old wanting to do it all by himself, I don't need to hold your hand mom.  To me, this was Brendan doing it all by himself, and I didn't need to hold his hand.

R&R Recap

So many wonderful things happened while Bryan was home on leave, but mostly we had fun reconnecting, as Rory would say "Our family all back together."!

Some highlights:

*Rory was thrilled that Daddy was there for her school Christmas Program.
*We celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary together.
*Rory took Daddy to lunch at school and was able to show him off to all her friends.

*We got a new car!  I am finally a member of the minivan parade, and for all of the times that I swore I was NEVER going to be that mom, I can't tell you how much it has improved the quality of life in our family!

*We surprised the kids with a super fun mini family vacation at Great Wolf Lodge.  It's still hard to tell who had the most fun, us or the kids!

*Christmas together as a family.  Rory was beyond excited for this because Daddy not being home for Christmas was a huge thing for her, and she had a really hard time dealing with that, thankfully it was not her reality..he was here!  She told us the day after Bryan came home that "I knew the Army was going to send him home for Christmas!  Well, at least I hoped that they would, and they did!"

*Bryan took Rory for her first venture ice skating, and I'm afraid it's her last for a while.  Poor Bryan was heartbroken when after she fell 2 seconds after she stepped on the ice, she went into a hysterical fit and declared "I don't ever want to ice skate again!"  Poor Bryan, you would think that the Bruins just lost the Stanley Cup in triple overtime.  Hopefully next year will be better!

*We visited a house all decked out for the holidays, and Rory was wondering when we were going to do the same thing at our house....hmmm....

*We prepared to ring in the New Year with a trip out for Chinese food, and of course our little celebration!

Then it was time to bottle all of those wonderful memories so that we can pull them out when we are missing Daddy, and then start planning for when he is home for good!

The big surprise reveal!!!

The time had finally come, and all the pieces were falling into place for the big Christmas surprise!  Bryan was coming home!!!!

We had known for a little bit that Bryan would be in Washington, DC for 10 days with his bosses for meetings to update everyone on how things were progressing in their neck of the woods.  We didn't know if he was really going to be able to come home for Christmas from there.  I never breathed a word of the possibility to Rory, because if it never happened I didn't have any idea how I was going to pick up the pieces of a very crushed little girl.  Poor Rory has been having a hard time with Daddy gone, there are more good days than bad days, but the bad days are pretty bad.  She couldn't get past the fact that when Daddy left in August that he wouldn't be home for Christmas, I remember the look on her little face the day before Bryan left and he had to answer her question about when he was coming home.  Just breaks your heart.

Now, the day was here!  Brendan and I were home from the tube surgery, he was cranky, uncomfortable, and only resting in my arms.  Jack was being Jack and having fun!  Mom had gone to pick Rory up from school, and as soon as they pulled in the driveway I picked up the phone and called Bryan to tell him to come home!  (He had been at his brother Kevins house down the street since Kevin was able to get him from the airport.)  Rory came home, Ann and Dave picked up and left just as our well choreographed plan had called for.

Rory and I were at the kitchen table doing her homework, as we did everyday, when I saw the car pull into the driveway, and the butterflies starting doing loops in my stomach.  This is what happened..

Things I will never forget from this moment...

The poor look of utter confusion on Jack's face when he's trying to decipher who is Daddy and who is Uncle Kevin, and then him running to the refrigerator to look at the pictures of Daddy, then he comes back and it's all better!

Rory's quotes: "Our family is back together!"  "It feels like a dream, but I know it isn't"

Brendan coming out of the post anesthia haze and tackling Bryan on the living room floor.

I always get a lump in my throat and crazy butterflies in my stomach when he comes home...I love him so much and was so happy to be back in his arms.