The big surprise reveal!!!

The time had finally come, and all the pieces were falling into place for the big Christmas surprise!  Bryan was coming home!!!!

We had known for a little bit that Bryan would be in Washington, DC for 10 days with his bosses for meetings to update everyone on how things were progressing in their neck of the woods.  We didn't know if he was really going to be able to come home for Christmas from there.  I never breathed a word of the possibility to Rory, because if it never happened I didn't have any idea how I was going to pick up the pieces of a very crushed little girl.  Poor Rory has been having a hard time with Daddy gone, there are more good days than bad days, but the bad days are pretty bad.  She couldn't get past the fact that when Daddy left in August that he wouldn't be home for Christmas, I remember the look on her little face the day before Bryan left and he had to answer her question about when he was coming home.  Just breaks your heart.

Now, the day was here!  Brendan and I were home from the tube surgery, he was cranky, uncomfortable, and only resting in my arms.  Jack was being Jack and having fun!  Mom had gone to pick Rory up from school, and as soon as they pulled in the driveway I picked up the phone and called Bryan to tell him to come home!  (He had been at his brother Kevins house down the street since Kevin was able to get him from the airport.)  Rory came home, Ann and Dave picked up and left just as our well choreographed plan had called for.

Rory and I were at the kitchen table doing her homework, as we did everyday, when I saw the car pull into the driveway, and the butterflies starting doing loops in my stomach.  This is what happened..

Things I will never forget from this moment...

The poor look of utter confusion on Jack's face when he's trying to decipher who is Daddy and who is Uncle Kevin, and then him running to the refrigerator to look at the pictures of Daddy, then he comes back and it's all better!

Rory's quotes: "Our family is back together!"  "It feels like a dream, but I know it isn't"

Brendan coming out of the post anesthia haze and tackling Bryan on the living room floor.

I always get a lump in my throat and crazy butterflies in my stomach when he comes home...I love him so much and was so happy to be back in his arms.

What a day...

..what an incredible day...one for the record books!

This day, Thursday December 16, 2010 began at about 4:30 for me.  This was the day that Brendan was to have his second set of ear tubes put in, and his adenoids taken out.  His surgery was scheduled at 7am, which meant that we had to be there by 6am, and the hospital is about an hour away, so it was a very early morning!  Luckily my parents were out visiting, so they were going to take care of getting Rory to school and keeping Jack entertained....that's a BIG job!

I woke Brendan up, well I wouldn't really say I woke him up, as much as I picked him up from his bed.  This child was not at all interested in what was coming his way, and he was going to be less than thrilled that there was no breakfast involved either!  We did a quick diaper change, got his jacket in, strapped in the car seat, and off we went!

We arrived right on time, when does that ever happen??  We did all the check in that we needed to, and then were called back to the pre op area.  They were nice enough to let Brendan stay in his feety pajamas...and doesn't he look nice and comfy..

I was really hoping that this surgery was going to go as well as it did when he had his first set of tubes in 2 years ago, but I was preparing myself for the fact that it might not.

After all the pre-op work was done and all the questions were answered, we made that walk once again. I know that it was just a set of ear tubes and the removal of adenoids, not even close to hear surgery, but I still hate the walk.  It's the walk to the operating room doors, where I have to kiss him goodbye and hand him over.  It still makes my stomach drop....

About 30 minutes later, Dr. Christensen came out to the waiting room to talk to me.  With a very reassuring smile on his face he told me that everything went well, but there were a few surprises...uh oh. First of all, one of Brendan's ear drums had burst from his last ear infection and it had failed to heal, and it didn't appear that it was going to heal, but that was a good thing in Brendan's case..no need for a tube there.  In the other ear, the tube went in just fine, but it turned out that he had a severe ear infection in that ear.  Nice, nothing like that news to make you feel like a horrible mother!  He also said that his adenoids were really swollen so it was a good thing that they came out!

I was able to go back and be with him about 20 minutes after the surgery, and he was one very unhappy kiddo.  I just held and rocked him and tried to make him feel better, but it just didn't seem to be working, until one of the nurses brought out a TV and put in a Dora video.  The tears stopped almost immediately!  tell me that Dora isn't magic!

About one hour after that we were on our way home...and what a surprise would be coming to our door later!

God gives you an extra chromosome....

...and he takes away 2 teeth??  That's right...well at least in Brendan's case!

I took the kids to the dentist for the regular 6 month check up, that alone was exciting!  Let me just tell you how much I love the kids dentist and how much I'm going to miss them when we finally have to move!  First, the office staff is awesome, they are always so nice even if all they heard were your kids screaming!  Also, they have the coolest waiting area, there are toys for the little kids, and video games for the bigger kids!  Then when it's finally time to get into the chair, there is a TV in the ceiling, they let you watch what you want, and they give the kids sunglasses and ear phones!  No wonder why Rory does a song a dance whenever I tell her we are going there!

Anyway, back to the teeth!  One of the many treasures of down syndrome is that it does funny things to your teeth!  A lot of kids with down syndrome may get their teeth really late, and one reason is because they might have really thick gums which makes it harder for the teeth the break through...let me introduce you to Brendan!  Brendan's first tooth finally broke through while I was in the hospital after having Jack, so that would mean that Brendan was 14 1/2 months old.  I realize that's not terribly late, but it's still late.  Then when his teeth finally started coming in, it was in a very irregular pattern, not your typical 2 front bottom teeth, then 2 front top teeth, his were all over!  The good news was that they were coming in, and the pattern didn't really matter.  Until our recent visit....

Dr. Kittle took an x-ray of Brendan since his 2 incisor teeth on the bottom still had not come in and he didn't feel them coming in either.  Let me tell you, the taking of the x-ray was a scream to behold!  Brendan even made Jack cry because Jack was so worried that Brendan was crying!  It was done and over in 20 seconds...and there was the picture....

Okay, so that's not the x-ray, but you can kind of see where he is missing at least one of the teeth..and with good reason, it's just not there!  No baby teeth to come in, and no permanent teeth that Dr. Kittle could see either.  I was slightly panicked until he said "All this means is that he'll have more room on the bottom and his orthodontic bill won't be too bad!"  Gotta love a that little dose of humor!!

Rory and Jack did fairly well, Jack was a typical 2 year old, didn't want to be held down and didn't want someone looking in his mouth without leaving any food behind!  Rory was ready to go all by herself into her chair while I was with the boys during their visit with Dr. Kittle in a room in the back, but don't worry it had glass doors and I could still see Rory out in her chair! 

I love that the kids all got two thumbs up on the brushing and we are good to go for another 6 months!!

Thanksgiving....The Recap..

Our Thanksgiving morning started at 5:45, courtesy of Jack's wake up, 15 minutes earlier than usual.  The clock had started and so had we!  I had finished the pumpkin pie, the butterhorns and the apple pie on Wednesday night, and I still have no idea how I got all that done!  I started making the stuffing at 6am while Jack was very interested in some show on Disney with a lamb..

Wednesday morning I had decided that it would be fun to invite our neighbors overs to watch the Macy's parade and to play parade Bingo!  I know, it's a little odd, but it's fun to have the kids run around and have fun and tucker themselves out a little bit!  9am, the parade starts, the neighbors arrive, and the Bingo has started!  They were all so cute with their cards and crayons...watching intently, and then running around when the commercials came on! 

After parade Bingo, Rory was invited over to play at the neighbors and Brendan and Jack went in for a nap!  Quiet house, turkey was in the over, table was already set...what is a girl to do!  Well, the time went very quickly, 2pm arrived, our neighbors (who do have names by the way, Molly & Ryan  and their children Audrey and Ben!) arrived, Jack was up, Brendan was waking up, the Turkey was out and resting, the gravy was thickening, stuffing and sweet potatoes were warming in the oven...this is good!  Time to sit down, say grace and eat our meal!

The kids were so good, they ate, well not that much, but Brendan and Jack sure did clean up and went back for seconds!  Rory just kept asking, "Can I have dessert now?"  That girl knows the best part of Thanksgiving!  Finally it was time for dessert, the table had been cleared, the dishes almost all done, so that meant it was time to bust out the pies!  Apple Pie, Pumkpin Pie, Cranberry Pecan pie, cookies, ice cream and whip cream!  I won't tell you how much they ate for dessert, but you can guess!

All in all, it was a wonderful day, especially since we were able to Skype with Bryan in the morning, after he had had his Turkey dinner!  We missed him being here, and he missed being here, but we look forward to doing it all again once he gets home for leave!

Out of the mouth of babes...

On this day to give thanks, I have to give thanks to my dear Rory for the quote of the day.  "Mama, I love Thanksgiving, it's a day when God tells us how thankful he is for what we do."  I said "I think it's the other way around"  Rory, "That's what I said."

You know, I think she may have something there.  Maybe it isn't just about giving God and others our Thanks for what they have done, but maybe God is thanking us for what we do with what he gives us.  Just something to think about.

We had a great day today, and I'll write all about it tomorrow....I'm hoping to go to bed soon...the remainder of the dishes can wait...

Preparing Thanksgiving with 3 sets of helping hands

I love Thanksgiving, it's up in the top 3 of my favorite holidays!  I think the reason I love it so much is because of all the Thanksgivings that I remember growing up..I always wondered how we could always fit that many people in our house and how we always had more than enough food!

This year was a little different in that I was making the food with 3 little helpers all around, and I mean all around, in my arms, around my legs, sitting across the counter wanting to do the crafting project.  It was interesting, but as I sit here early on Thanksgiving morning, I can smell the stuffing in the over, I'm looking at the apple pie (still never looks as good as the ones that my Grandmother, Mom and Aunts made!), the table it set, the "Happy Thanksgiving" handcrafted banner is hung, and our Parade Bingo cards are ready to go!  Miracles do happen!

I miss Bryan terribly, especially when his favorite Pumpkin pie was baking in the oven.  The great thing is, that we get to do it all over again when he gets home!  During deployments we never let him miss the real cooking or celebrations of the holidays, so that is what he tells me that he is looking forward too!

As much as I hate not having our family all together, there is so much to be thankful for:
1.  I am thankful that even though Bryan can't be here, we have wonderful neighbors (friends, really) who will be celebrating the day with us!
2. I am very thankful for all of the wonderful Thanksgiving memories that I have, and they always make me smile.
3.  I am thankful for 3 amazing children, who are the center of my world.
4.  I am thankful for my family who is always there for me no matter what.
5  I am thankful for friends, from childhood, adulthood, and countless duty stations, who have come into my life. 

I could go on and on, but there is still some cooking to be done and 3 kids who need some breakfast before they start grabbing at the bags of butterhorns on the counter!

Happy Thanksgiving to one and all!

I hate skipping holidays...

...but when an opportunity comes up sometimes you have to jump at it!

Tonight was an event called "Hometown Christmas" here in Leavenworth.  I know, we still have 6 days to Thanksgiving and I'm annoyed at the people who already have their Christmas lights on the house and lit!!  Now my reasons for going were simple, I like where we live and I really love our downtown area, so I felt like we should support all the people and their businesses, so off we went!

Rory of course was delighted with the "surprise" of going out to dinner to one of our favorite places, the Corner Pharmacy.  Yes, it is exactly what it says, the soda counter at the pharmacy!  It is actually the oldest soda fountain in all of Kansas, and more importantly I can feed 3 kids and me for $20, and that included beverages and a tip..beat that!

While we were there eating who should come barreling into the place, but Jolly Saint Nick!  Rory was delighted and confused all at the same time.  Where are the reindeer?  Why did he take their bells?  Where is the sleigh?  We haven't had Thanksgiving yet!  Of course she was still more than thrilled to pose for a picture wearing her Halloween shirt of course!  Now the boys, well, I think they are on the naughty list..not really of course.  Jack was either scared or annoyed because it looked like this guys was trying to take some of his dinner, and Brendan was amazed that Santa wore glasses too!

Further on in the meal we were greeted by carolers, and they were straight out the movie, A Christmas Carol.  It was fun, until they began to leave and Rory thought that she should go right along with them.

After dinner we went on the hunt for the horse drawn carriage ride..and hunted we did.  We found one of the stops, but it was going to be quite the wait, and of course Rory all of a sudden had to go to the bathroom!  Luckily the Senior Center right across the street was open, and weren't they absolutley delighted to see us!  Rory was the Queen for the moment and the boys were the Kings.  The senior ladies were scrambling to get to them first!  Brendan was doing a show of all of his different waves and kiss blowing talents, and Jack was delighting them with his knowledge of water bubblers and dancing in a circle until he was so dizzy he fell down!  By the time Rory got out of the bathroom everyone's attention was on the boys, so she had to announce herself once again.  How did she do this you ask, well lucky enough this Senior Center had a stage, so she marched right up and sang a Christmas song.  Well, one man came right up to her with her choice of 3 cookies, a bag of goodies and a cup of hot chocolate.  Excuse me!

After the word had come in that the carriage was on it's way to our stop, we piled back into the stroller said our Thank You's, posed for pictures, and made our way across the street to the carriage stop.

The boys were delighted with the horses and sitting like such big boys in the carriage, and Rory, well I swear she was a little annoyed that it wasn't the glass Cinderella carriage, but she loved it!

I know it was a great night, Rory told me so as we snuggled to read our bedtime story.  She said "That was the best surprise, and you are the best mom in the whole world!"  Now, I know that tomorrow I will be the worst mom ever, and if I wasn't then I guess I wouldn't be doing my job.

Tomorrow we have to jump back into Thanksgiving readiness!  Time to make the lists, count the plates and silverware and make the grocery list!  Although, tonight was a nice sneak peek into the Christmas Season to come....

November Challenge:
1. I am thankful that I didn't waste me kid free day today.
2. I am thankful that we had a wonderful almost-family night tonight!  (Rory points out to me all the time that it's just an almost-family since Daddy isn't here)
3.  I am thankful that I got to end my day by chatting with Bryan, nothing like being able to see his face and hear his voice to make the distance seem not so far.

A sign of a good day to come..

This was our view this morning as we dropped Rory off at daycare at 7am on this Wednesday morning...

The picture does not do this sunrise justice.  It was so beautiful.  I took it as a sign that this day was starting off magical and was only going to get better, or a little more realistically, maintain the magic of this moment.

I should explain that Wednesday and Thursday mornings in our house start very very very early.  I drop Rory off at daycare at her school so that I can be back home in time to get Brendan on his school bus.  It's a balancing act, and so far it is working out, but I lay my head on the pillow every Tuesday night a little fear that 5:15 is going to come a little too early.  Lately, the 5:15 wake up call has come with 3 little people in my bed, so my plans of getting ready before getting the kids up has only worked once!  You should always have a goal to work on, right?

All in all, it was a great day, it's the dinner hour that brings out all the drama...just ask my mom.  Tonight we had her in stitches as I trying to have a conversation with her and there was nothing but over the top drama echoing in the playroom.  I think the line that put my mother into a fit of laughter is when Rory was screaming and carrying on about some tiny minute scratch on her leg, blah blah blah blah, I can't walk, it hurts...so I told her to come in the kitchen so I could just cut it off.  Not only was my mother laughing, but Rory started laughing too, funny how the leg didn't hurt at all after that!

Well Thursday, I am waiting to see what you have in store for us!

November Challenge:
1. I am very thankful that Brendan had an A+ day at school wearing his glasses.  His teacher called to tell me that he didn't touch them once!  Looks like we've conquered this mountain, for the moment!
2.  I am thankful that Jack and I had some great Mommy-Jack time.  This kid can crack you up with a smile.
3.  I am thankful for the sunrise this morning.....helps me to remember not to take things for granted.
4.  I am thankful that I voted on Monday for contestants on Dancing with the Stars...gives me every right to complain about Brandy getting kicked off!  Seriously, Bristol Palin??  (Yes, this was a borderline thing to be grateful for, but hey, what do you want from me?)

The Joy of Monday nights..

We love Monday nights in our house for several reasons.  I love the fact that tonight the request for dinner was pancakes...excellent!!  I love breakfast for dinner, and I love that it's one pan to clean and one bowl, 3 happy kids and not a huge clean up!

The other reason we love Monday nights, Dancing with the Stars!  I think that the kids and I have earned that darn mirror ball trophy 20 times over...have you ever tried to dip 3 kids in a row?? 

I love seeing them doing their own little dances, and hearing their laughs...that's the way to end a day!

November Challenge:
1.  I am thankful that Rory requested pancakes for dinner..nothing to forget to thaw for that one!
2.  I am thankful that Brendan had a super amazing day wearing his glasses...I think we turned the corner on that one!
3.  On a funny note, I am so thankful that there was a brand new episode of Dora the Explorer on today!  Dora is a goddess in our house...she can stop a tantrum in 3 notes!

Random Thoughts..

This day was a reminder that the day will never go as you think....

I woke up with all 3 kiddos in bed with me, lots of elbows, knees and toes jabbing me through the night, so maybe I shouldn't have said that I "woke up".  I was awoken several times during the night, but the true calling that it was 6:30am was Jack grabbing my face and saying "Hi Mama.."  Who needs an alarm clock when you have that!

So we started our day and everyone was in a good mood!  Excellent, church should be a breeze....why I allow this thought to cross my mind is ridiculous.  Oh well, we tried it and we made it until the homily, which in Jack's defense was a line by line description of the financial report of the parish.  I think if give the opportunity I would have thrown my raisins too, but I'm sure I would have gotten a bill!  Anyway, we didn't even make it to communion, but what are you going to do....sorry God, catch you next weekend!

Luckily we made it home, had lunch and both Brendan and Jack went in for a good nap, which allowed Rory and I time to hang out and do our thing....which normal involves a craft, popcorn and a movie of some kind.

Later we had our own little concert..we rocked!  Thankfully for my crock pot, which I love and adore, dinner was ready and on the table at 5:15pm, no stress, no meltdowns.  I swear I don't know what I would do without that thing!

Anyway, it is Sunday night, the Pats game is on, Rory's backpack and lunch box are packed and ready for the morning, the boys diaper bag is ready to go, and clothes are all laid it.  Time to call it a night, settle into bed and turn on my latest addiction, Studio 60.

Since I've been slacking, or you know just too busy...

November Challenge:
1.  I am thankful for having some alone time with Rory this afternoon, she is quite an amazing little girl.  She cracks me up when she starts a conversation with "Mama, you know what I'm thinking about?"
2.  I am thankful for Skype and how it keeps us all connected to Bryan no matter how far away he is.  I love seeing the kids faces light up as soon as they see him.
3.  I am thankful that another week is upon us, and looking forward to what it holds.

What is a Veteran?

He is an ordinary and yet an extraordinary human being - a person who offered some of his life's most vital years in the service of his country, and who sacrificed his ambitions so others would not have to sacrifice theirs.

He is a soldier and a savior and a sword against the darkness, and he is nothing more than the finest, greatest testimony on behalf of the finest, greatest nation ever known.

So remember, each time you see someone who has served our country, just lean over and say Thank You. That's all most people need, and in most cases it will mean more than any medals they could have been awarded or were awarded.

Two little words that mean a lot, "THANK YOU".

"It is the soldier, not the reporter, Who has given us freedom of the press. It is the soldier, not the poet, Who has given us freedom of speech. It is the soldier, not the campus organizer, Who has given us the
freedom to demonstrate. It is the soldier, Who salutes the flag, Who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protestor to burn the flag."

Father Denis Edward O'Brien/USMC

10 years ago if someone had told me that I would be an Army Wife picking up and moving our home every 2 years, struggling to learn this new Army language of endless acronyms, enduring months upon months of deployments, birthing a child without my husband by my side, being a single mom more than I would like, I would have told you that you were nuts.  This is the girl who went away to college in West Virginia and after freshman year came right back home.  I never like being far from the comforts of home, of family and friends, and I still don't.

You can't help who you fall in love with.  There is that person out there who when you meet them, they make your heart skip a beat, the butterflies start flying in your stomach, and you just can't stop smiling.  That's what happened the very first time I met Bryan, and still happens every time I see him.

He was an officer in the Army just out of OBC (Officer Basic Course, I told you it was a whole new language).  We were both dating other people at the time, and please, he was in the Army, nothing I would ever involve myself with.  Funny how life laughs at you when you think you have it all figured out.

Bryan was an Officer in the Army, and I fell in love with him.  September 11 had just happened, and I don't think we all knew exactly what was going to happen.  I knew that he would be leaving for Kuwait on a regular 6 month rotation and then he would be back.  I didn't know that I would lose my job in Boston that I loved so much, I certainly didn't know that I would be offered a job in the city where Bryan was stationed in Columbus, GA, and I certainly didn't know that I would be moving down there without him there, and only knowing one other person.

Things happened, we were going to war and Bryan's brigade was first up on the deployment list.  I had no idea what is was to marry someone in the Army, I didn't know what it was going to be like to send my brand new husband off to war, and yet I knew I had to do it.  I loved him, he loved his career in the Army and we were one now.


Combat deployment number 4 is 25% complete, and each deployment it is harder for him to leave, and it's incredibly hard to say those final goodbyes before he gets on the plane.  It is painful, heart wrenching, but you don't let it show.  You know that the other person is dying on the inside too, but as soon as you both turn away and head in opposite directions you let the pain wash over you for 5 minutes, and then you pull it back together and start the countdown.


On this Veterans Day I pay homage to my husband and my best friend.  He gives up so much to do what he loves, for the country that he loves, and the family that he loves.  He is the veteran, and I am the wife who loves him.

3 years ago.....

Three years ago yesterday I thought the most memorable thing about Brendan being born was the story we would have to tell about how he was almost born in the front seat of new car!  We all know that story is sometimes forgotten in the real details of the day.

Three years and 2 days ago Bryan had spent all day on post at the gym getting his battery ready to deploy to Iraq.  They were all getting on the plane without him, but just for a little while.  The plan had been that Bryan would be able to stay with us until Brendan was born and we are able to get him home and set up with Early Intervention.  So we had about 2 weeks, or so we thought.

Brendan was already 4 days overdue when the contractions started just after midnight on November 6.  I toughed it out until about 2:30am when the contractions got to be about 5 minutes about for an hour, that's when I woke Bryan up, got Rory up and in the car and off we went to our friend Kate's to drop off Rory.

We got to the triage room in Labor & Delivery and they hooked me up to all the monitors, and we waited.  About 30 minutes later some little Dr. who couldn't have been more than 21, told me that my contractions needed to be stronger and more regular before they would admit me.  Mind you, this kid Dr. had never had a contraction in her life, and I doubt she even knew what a bad menstrual cramp felt like, but OK.

After they gave a shot to "take the edge off", whatever that meant, we went back home.  Bryan went back to bed and I hung out on the couch because I was horribly uncomfortable, and my Little Baby Cousin Tom was going to be on the Today Show with Ann Curry in Antarctica...couldn't miss that!  I kept dosing off and on for a few hours, and then around 10:30am I remember the contractions changed, they hurt so much I couldn't speak or think or move.  I got Bryan up and told him to get ready because this was it.

I tried to walk to the car but I could only make it a few steps at a time before the contraction would come back, and poor Bryan wanted to help but I screamed at him not to touch me..poor guy!  So we are finally in the car and on our way and now the contractions are coming every minute, or faster.  All I kept thinking was that once we get to the hospital all I needed was an epidural and everything would be fine.  Ha!

Bryan dropped me off at the door and some poor soldier with one arm in a sling held the wheelchair while Bryan helped me in as I'm having a contraction.  Next thing I knew the one armed man whisked me inside and down the hall the elevator...I knew he was thinking "No way I'm delivering this baby".  In no time we were through the doors of labor and delivery and into the first available room, and all I can really remember is a nurse calming saying "We need the next Dr. you can grab, she is delivering now"  I thought to myself "Surely she must be talking about some poor other woman, I just need an epidural and I'll be fine."  All of a sudden there were maybe 6 nurses and one midwife and me, and those words, "The next one and the baby will be out".  Oh dear God, Bryan isn't even in the room, and this is the only reason they let him stay off the plane, and he's going to miss the second birth of his kid!  Then the door opened, there was Bryan, and about 5 seconds later, there was Brendan.

The midwife had told me about 3 seconds after Bryan walked in that there was meconium and that the wouldn't stimulate the baby to breathe, and I have to say that about 2 weeks before Brendan was born I had told Bryan that I thought that would happen...hmmmm.  Anyway, so Brendan was born, I didn't hear him cry, and I didn't really worry about it.  Bryan left my side to go and see him,  and I remember asking if I could get my epidural now.

The moments after that are pretty much a blur, for a number of reasons.  The thing I do remember is I was able to look over at the warmer where Brendan was, and there were a lot of people around him and I couldn't really see him much.  I could see one foot, and it was blue, a purplish blue, not good.  Then I recall a team from the NICU coming in, and then leaving really quickly.  It took a few minutes to settle in that they had taken Brendan with them.  I sent Bryan and I said "Don't leave him". 

The midwife and two nurses stayed with me, I was never alone, and I had no idea what was going on.  Bryan and a NICU nurse came back, and I have no idea what they told me.  Bryan didn't look really worried, so I wasn't going to worry.  I knew that Brendan weighed in at almost 9 pounds, and that was it.

A little while later my perinatologist came in, and I knew the look on her face wasn't a good one.  She said she came up because she heard that I had delievered, and then she told me "I'm sorry, but it does look like there is something wrong with his heart.  They are going to MedFlight him to San Antonio.  I'll ask when you can go and see him."  The rest of the conversation doesn't even register, all I knew was I had to go and see him.

Bryan was with me, as was my friend Denita who had come straight over from yet another send off at the gym that morning for another Squadron.  We all went in together and I was so scared for what I was going to see, and even that couldn't have prepared me.  They wheeled me as close as they could to his bed, and then I had to have help to stand and walk over to him, and there were so many many many machines and tubes and wires and monitors.  He had heart monitors on his chest, he had IV lines in his umbilical cord, he had a tube in his mouth and his eyes were puffy and shut, and for as scared as I was it went away, because he was mine.  This was my son, whom I carried and prayed for for 9 long months, he was ours and I loved him, and I was his Mom and I was going to be strong and brave and I was going to make everyone do what they had to to make him OK.

Birthday Cookies..

That's right, birthday cookies.  This is the tradition in our house, when school allows you to bring a treat into the classroom to celebrate your birthday we make cookies cut out in whatever shape is wanted.  As you can probably imagine, Rory has had Princess Tiara cookies for her past 2 birthdays, and no, that wasn't an easy cookie cutter to find.

Since Brendan's birthday is this weekend, and he only goes to school on Wednesday and Thursday, you guessed it...tomorrow is cookie day.  Why couldn't I have anticipated this happening?  Well, I didn't so I don't have a Dora cookie cutter, or a car cookie cutter, or a train.  You know what I have...Santa Claus, pumpkins, witch hats, flowers, bunny rabbits and of course the tiara.  Well, that won't work.  Then there it was.....the CIRCLE!!!!!  I can do baseballs, or soccer balls, or I could just use a stencil and put a letter B on them for Brendan's Birthday!  Wicked smart if I do say so.

Yes, I know that he will probably never remember or care about the cookies that he had in his classroom for his birthday, but I will.  He is in a classroom, and personally, I thought there should have been a full marching band leading the way for him on his first day of school!  Since there was no marching band, the cookies are what I can do to let him know, and let everyone else know, that I am proud of my son and I'll celebrate him in whatever special way that I can.

My November Challenge:
1.  I am very thankful that I had the chance to talk to Bryan today
2.  I am thankful for laughter that Jack and Brendan filled the house with this afternoon...those 2 are something else

Ahh....Hanging onto Summer just a little while longer

Yes, it is November....I know, but the weather here in Kansas was a true late summer day.  After the boys and I picked up Rory from school we played outside in the front yard with sidewalk chalk, bubbles and our neighbors.  There were no jackets, just lots of smiles and laughs and running around!  Brendan had so much fun he had a true "boy" moment....

I think the last bit of summer like evenings inspired our dinner tonight. 

(Tortellini Salad with Roasted Tomatoes and Green Beans)

 Nothing says summer to me more than tomatoes.  Disagree if you like, but to me picking the tomatoes out of the garden with my grandfather Bart, and taking the salt shaker with you, then eating them like an apple is what summer is to me.  It also reminds me how much I miss my grandparents, and it reminds me of how grateful I am to have had them, gotten to really know them and to have such wonderful memories.  I know they are looking down on us and watching us and their great grandchildren from their Recliner chairs with the candy dish on the table between the chairs, and watching with great pride. 

My November Challenge:
1. I am grateful for the 2 hours of pure playtime with Brendan and Jack this morning.
2.  I am even more grateful for the 2 hour nap they took after!
3.  I am grateful for the gift of patience..
4.  I am grateful for the wonderful conversation with 2 pretty cool ladies today

Being Grateful

So it's November 2nd and we're almost at the 3 month mark of this deployment.  The holidays are right around the corner, and things are getting busy in the house.  I think now is the time to reset myself a little bit. 

Being a single mom for the time being isn't easy, it is challenging, but it should be.  Being a parent is a privilege,  although some days I wonder what exactly that is!  I have realized after a very long weekend of everyone battling the stomach bug that I need to stop for a moment and take stock of my life, at the moment.

Having Bryan deployed is awful, there is no other way to put it.  We have been so luck to have had him home for a little over 2 years, and that is a really long time for us.  We found our groove as a family, we settled into the role and we love it!  We did fun outings, we had our things special things that Mommy or Daddy did, and now it's gone....but just for a little bit.  So with these changes of Mommy taking care of everything, and the big changes of Rory being in Kindergarten and Brendan recently starting preschool, I've decided that instead of dwelling everyday on the long of list of things to do, or worrying about the things that didn't get done I have to stop and think about the things that I am grateful for at the end of everyday.

My challenge to myself for this month of Thanksgiving, is to be grateful for at least one thing everyday.  Yesterday I was thankful for 3 healthy children that were able to go to school, and I was very thankful that I was healthy as well and able to get a few things done around the house to get us back to the way we were before our pre-illness weekend!

Let's see if I can actually keep this going....you should try to!

October is Down Syndrome Awareness Month

What better way to celebrate people who have Down Syndrome and those who love and support them, than the Step Up for Down Syndrome Walk!  For the third year team Brendan's Bears participated, and for one day Disney World was not the happiest place on earth, the parking lot at Arrowhead stadium in Kansas City was....

The day our world changed...

I still remember that day, I remember the words, and I remember the sinking feeling in my stomach that brought me to my knees..

"I have the results of your amnio, and indeed your baby has down syndrome.  Do you have any questions?......Have a nice weekend."

With the click of the phone back on it's cradle, I fell to the floor.  With those words, delivered so coldly, our world had been rocked, and as much as we had prepared ourselves for the possibility that this was the answer that we were going to get, the wind was knocked out my sail.  Bryan was a work preparing for a month long training session in California and I was home alone with Rory.  Alone.  How was I going to tell Bryan this?  How was he going to understand one word that I was trying to get out?  I had to do it, I couldn't be alone in knowing this about our baby.  I collected myself, got up off the floor, and grabbed the phone and dialed.

The only words I got out were "The genetic counselor just called..." and then the tears started and I couldn't saying anything else.  I remember hearing Bryan say "It's all going to be OK, this baby is ours and we are going to love it, and that's all that matters."  With those words, I wasn't alone anymore.

Brendan was meant for us, for our family.  I have never had doubt about that, and I know he was given to us for a reason and that everything was going to be OK.  I had prayed a few months before when I was having complications early on in the pregnancy that this baby not be taken from us, I couldn't go through losing another baby.  Once we got through the critical first 12 weeks of the pregnancy, and we heard the baby's heart beat in the midwife's office, I knew that this baby was ours for a special reason.

That was how our journey into the Down Syndrome family began, and what a journey it has been, and continues to be.

An Update from Iraq

Well, it's not like Bryan was actually going to make a blog entry, but here are some pictures that he sent..

Bryan in front of his office...a former Saddam palace

 

Entrance 

A death defying feat

I did it.  I conquered the fear that had building inside of me since the day I found out that Bryan was deploying again.  That fear......going out with 3 kids and just me.  Now, that seems rather odd, right?  Even when Bryan was home I was still the primary caregiver, which meant that I had to get 3 kids in and out of the car, and in out of this place and that, and I did it, no fanfare no nothing, no huge fear.  Now, I have 3 rather mobile kids, not 1 walking kid, one who will engage and sit in the stroller and the other who is strapped into his car seat and carted around without it being a big deal.

Friday I decided was going to be the day that I did a fun outing with the kids all by myself.  Rory had a half day at school, so we picked her up at 12:20 on the dot.  I should mention here that this pick up time falls smack in the middle of the boys normal napping time, so now you're thinking that I am insane and setting myself up for failure.  I thought so too, but on we went!!  Sure enough, 5 minutes after picking Rory up, Brendan and Jack were sound asleep in the back, Rory and I were chatting about her school day (which already consists of "I don't remember what I did at school" or "We did BORING Kindergarten work").  Off we were on our surprise adventure...and when we arrived, we had 3 awake and very happy kids!  Here we go!

Our surprise destination was.....

All the kids LOVE this place, and Rory has been asking to go for quite a long time, so why not!  Wonderscope is a fabulous childrens museum with lots to do, and in a not so huge space, perfect for my attempted outing!  Another bonus was that this museum participated in the Blue Star Museum Project which allowed us free admission to the museum because we are a military family...you can't beat free!!!

We were off, into all of the different rooms, and everyone was having a grand time, from the golf ball race track room, to the Space room, the other ball race track room, the submarine area and the farm room...

After 2 hours of non-stop fun and minimal breakdowns, it was on to part 2 of this monumental day....dinner at a restaurant!!  Now this is where the sweaty palms started..

We piled back in the car, and went down the road to a place I knew would be a hit with the kids...Fritz's!

No way I could go wrong with a place that is all about trains and even has your food brought out to you by one!!  And really, aren't the hats worth the trip alone?

 

The boys had hats too, but they were far more interested in eating, not posing...oh well!

All in all, it was a great day, and I did it all with the best kids in the world, with the support of my wonderful husband from afar, and just one diaper in the diaper bag!!  Maybe I should consider being WonderWoman for Halloween???

Some Divine Intervention

Well, it finally happened, the third time really is the charm!  We made it through a whole mass!!  There were a few hairy moments, but I had 2 saving graces...one was the family sitting directly behind us who had a little girl who was rather high spirited and drowned out any outburst from our pew.  Also, Rory's swim lesson instructor sat in front of us and asked me "which baby would you like me to hold?"  Yeah!!!  Now, we have something to build on for next week....fingers crossed!

Dear God, are you there? Sorry about this morning!

Well, we attempted Church this morning.  As you can tell from the title of this post, it wasn't the best experience.  I will start by saying that I had very realistic expectations of how this was going to go, and I was prepared.  The boys have their own church bags now, and I had them stocked with things to keep them happy,  including books, a sippy cup, a snack and the binky.  Rory doesn't get to bring her church bag anymore since she will be going to Kindergarten at a Catholic school and they have mass once a week, so we have been working on getting her ready to sit thru mass like a big kid. 

We made it through the readings and the homily, and then the wheels came off!  Jack was channeling his inner Uncle Biz (my brother Christopher) and was attempting to climb under the pew, and then when that didn't work, he tried going over the top.  Yeah, that was enough for me, so we grabbed the bags and out we went.  Better luck next week!

We did end the morning on a very high note, as we got to Skype with Bryan.  I put the monitor on the floor so they could all see Daddy, and they could see him.  Jack has been the one who has missed Daddy alot, so being able to see him made him so happy!  At one point he walked behind the monitor to see where the rest of Daddy was, we all got a good laugh out of that one! 

We had nothing but smiles and laughs in this house, and I know it did Bryan a lot of good too!  He saw Brendan walking, had a nice chat with Rory about how excited she is for school, and Jack just kept getting up close to the monitor and saying, "Da Da".

Here's to a nice rest of the day and we'll top it off with a Brand new Dora movie on TV tonight.  Ah, the joys of being a mom, I wouldn't change it for the world!

Start the clock on the next 365

Well, Deployment Day arrived and no one in this house was happy about it.  I admit that in the 2 weeks leading up to August 10 I would look at Bryan and start crying...I'm such a wuss!  It kills me to think of him gone for a year, we've been through it before and let me tell you it never gets easier.  I am convinced that it just gets harder and harder to say goodbye. 

The morning he left our neighbor Molly and her son Ben came over to hang out with the kids so I could take Bryan to the airport.  We had planned to be in the garage by the time they came over, so all the goodbyes would be done, no more tears.  Well, that didn't work, go figure!  Molly and Ben came over, and I looked at Molly and we both started crying...goodbyes suck.  For me the worst part of the goodbyes is watching Bryan say goodbye to the kids.  I had to wait in the garage because that just breaks my heart to hear him say "Bye buddy, I'm really going to miss you" and to have the boys just look at him with their big blue eyes...

Now the clock starts to get this year over....

Taking things down and packing things up

A lot of things have been happening in the Kilbride household this summer...We took our first family vacation, Brendan is making great strides in becoming a walker, the boys moved into Big Boy beds, Rory went to Kindergarten camp to get ready for her first day of Big Kid school and Bryan started the task of packing up his gear for yet another tour to the sandbox.

Taking the boys cribs down was a bittersweet moment.  It was so exciting to have them graduate of the baby cribs and move into big boy beds, but as we looked at the dismantled crib it was an incredible reminder of how quickly time passes.  I remember Bryan putting the crib together in Rory's room in Colorado, I remember putting her in it for the first time.  I remember taking it apart for the move to Texas, and then having a fit when all of the screws were not with it when it got to Texas!!!  I remember taking it apart and putting it in the attic of our Texas house when Rory moved into her big girl bed, and I remember taking it out again and assembling it for Brendan's arrival.  I remember putting Brendan in it for the first time, and how special that was because we didn't think he would ever make it into that crib.  I remember when we added a crib to the room, officially making it "The boys room". I remember moving them from Texas to Kansas, and then again in Kansas.  I remember walking into Brendan's room to get him from a nap and seeing him standing there in his crib for the first time.  I remember every morning walking in to get them and seeing the smiles on both of their faces, so happy to see each other again!

Now, there they were....

...and all I can think about it how incredibly fast 5 years has gone by.

Now, looking at this...

...all I can think about is, how fast is this deployment going to go by?

No, this is not our first deployment, yes his last deployment wasn't that long, but it was by far more stressful than any other deployment.  This one just needs to get started.  We are both dreading it, far more than any other one.  The last one we both knew that he needed to go, Brendan was home and doing well, Bryan needed to go and be with his troops.  There had been casualties of his own men and of his friends, and Iraq is where is head was and now the rest of him had to be there. 

This time is just different, we have 3 kids now (just in case you didn't know that!) and for the first time Bryan was home for the first 18 months of one of kids lives, and now he knows what he missed and he knows some of what he is going to miss, and still more of what is going to go on without him physically being here for it.  Yes, this happens all the time with military families, I am not whining or complaining about it, we just need to get day 1 of this thing under our belts so we can all get to our new "normal" for the next year.

All I ask is that you keep Bryan, and all military personnel and their families in your thoughts and prayers....

Our First Family Vacation .... Watch Out St. Louis!!!

The time had finally come, we are taking our first family vacation....just the 5 of us. Yes, there is something incredible different about taking a trip home to see friends and family and going to a hotel to a place you have never been before...and let me tell you, this isn't as easy as Bryan and I thought it was going to be. I think it all started when we got a little too relaxed because we didn't have a plane that we had to catch at some ridiculous hour of the morning, we were just going to get in the car and drive, and it was all good..until Thursday morning arrived and we were nowhere ready to just jump in the car and go, but you know what, it really didn't matter because we were on our way and whatever we forgot, there were stores and we could buy them!

We made it to st. Louis at about the time that we had planned and checked into our hotel, which I think was the highlight for Rory, and Brendan and Jack were thrilled to have new places to explore, and Bryan and I were quickly doing some baby proofing!

Our first full day of vacation in st. Louis had arrived and it was hot hot hot and humid humid humid, and it was the coolest day in the forecast for our trip so we headed out early to the zoo! The place was huge and thankfully very shady. Jack had a horrible reaction to some plant at our first stop in the zoo, so he wasn't happy about being in the stroller in the heat and having his poor little eyeys and nose running. We powered through and saw all kinds of animals, like the elephants and rhino and the hippo, which I thought was pretty cool! We took a ride on the carousel and the cute little train, which is where Brendan and Jack lost a great battle to the over tiredness and passed out on the train ride. So that is how we ended the day at the zoo.

Our next day adventure was to see the Nick jr. Live show, which was a total surprise for the kids. When www cam around the cornerr to the theatre and rory saw the sign with the wonder pets and a backyardigans and Dora, she was over the moon! We got inside the beautiful theatre and had to wait a little bit for the show to start and rory couldn't sit still she was so excited. We had no idea how the boys would react, but we we ere both ready to scoop them up and walk out if we had too so that a the other could stay with rory. Well, as soon as the lights dimmed and the music started and moose from Nick jr came out, all three of the kids faces lit up

Fancy Nancy strikes again!

We spent Saturday in the backyard just hanging out, kids playing in the pool, and just enjoying some much needed family time.  Rory brought out her Fancy Nancy "Ooh La La, it's Beauty Day" book and decided that she needed a foot soak.  The pictures below need no description, except to say, Fancy Nancy has another little fan.

Happy Birthday America!!

4th of July!!  How did this sneak up on us??  Rory just finished school last week, at least that's how it feels.  It has been a very crazy month or so in our house, hard to believe, right?  Since Bryan graduated from SAMS (School of Advanced Military Studies) he has been traveling back and forth to the Pentagon working on the confirmation of GEN Austin for the post of Commander US Forces-Iraq.  (You can find more information about it here and also a video of the hearing, but Bryan wasn't in the room for the hearing, so you won't see him, but it's interesting nonetheless.)  So we've been missing Daddy a lot around here, so it was great to get him home Friday night, and he's home for a while without much work planned...YEAH!!!

We had a great family day celebrating the 4th at Uncle Kevin's house with Kevin, his kids, Bryan's mom and our wonderful neighbors the Kranc's, or as Rory refers to them, Ms. Molly, Mr. Ryan and our neighbors, meaning their kids Molly and Ben.  The kids had such a great time, not one fuss the entire afternoon, and considering it was 8 kids ranging in age from 7 to 17 months, that is quite a big deal!  The kids ran around, blew bubbles and played a little baseball. 

We managed to dodge the raindrops all afternoon, and then unfortunately the skies opened up just as we were getting ready for the fireworks.

Now, you should know that where we live on Fort Leavenworth, we have prime location to watch the fireworks from the comfort of our backyard.  This is beyond fabulous for many reasons; 1. no fighting with crowds or traffic, 2. the boys can be put to bed and stay there, 3. Rory loves fireworks, but really hates the noise of them, 4. we can watch them in our pajamas!!  So when the skies started to pour down Rory began sobbing, "Rain and thunder please go away, I want to see the fireworks" and there is no point in trying explain what a raindate is!  I kept checking the facebook page of Fort Leavenworth page that had the fireworks info, and they said they were still on, but then the thunder started...oh lord!  So in an effort to stop the sobbing I took out the little popper streamer things and we had fun with those for a while, but there were clearly not fireworks.

Well, finally there was news, and indeed they were going to have the fireworks, I'm pretty sure it was because because the weather for the next night was going to be worse.  So off we went into the backyard, umbrellas and raincoats, and our neighbors braved the rain to come and stand in the rain for show. 

Rory was thrilled when the started, but then they started to fade away as dancing in the rain became the thing to do....oh well!

It was a wonderful day and the kids had tons of fun, and that's all that really matters!

Happy Birthday America!