3 years ago.....

Three years ago yesterday I thought the most memorable thing about Brendan being born was the story we would have to tell about how he was almost born in the front seat of new car!  We all know that story is sometimes forgotten in the real details of the day.

Three years and 2 days ago Bryan had spent all day on post at the gym getting his battery ready to deploy to Iraq.  They were all getting on the plane without him, but just for a little while.  The plan had been that Bryan would be able to stay with us until Brendan was born and we are able to get him home and set up with Early Intervention.  So we had about 2 weeks, or so we thought.

Brendan was already 4 days overdue when the contractions started just after midnight on November 6.  I toughed it out until about 2:30am when the contractions got to be about 5 minutes about for an hour, that's when I woke Bryan up, got Rory up and in the car and off we went to our friend Kate's to drop off Rory.

We got to the triage room in Labor & Delivery and they hooked me up to all the monitors, and we waited.  About 30 minutes later some little Dr. who couldn't have been more than 21, told me that my contractions needed to be stronger and more regular before they would admit me.  Mind you, this kid Dr. had never had a contraction in her life, and I doubt she even knew what a bad menstrual cramp felt like, but OK.

After they gave a shot to "take the edge off", whatever that meant, we went back home.  Bryan went back to bed and I hung out on the couch because I was horribly uncomfortable, and my Little Baby Cousin Tom was going to be on the Today Show with Ann Curry in Antarctica...couldn't miss that!  I kept dosing off and on for a few hours, and then around 10:30am I remember the contractions changed, they hurt so much I couldn't speak or think or move.  I got Bryan up and told him to get ready because this was it.

I tried to walk to the car but I could only make it a few steps at a time before the contraction would come back, and poor Bryan wanted to help but I screamed at him not to touch me..poor guy!  So we are finally in the car and on our way and now the contractions are coming every minute, or faster.  All I kept thinking was that once we get to the hospital all I needed was an epidural and everything would be fine.  Ha!

Bryan dropped me off at the door and some poor soldier with one arm in a sling held the wheelchair while Bryan helped me in as I'm having a contraction.  Next thing I knew the one armed man whisked me inside and down the hall the elevator...I knew he was thinking "No way I'm delivering this baby".  In no time we were through the doors of labor and delivery and into the first available room, and all I can really remember is a nurse calming saying "We need the next Dr. you can grab, she is delivering now"  I thought to myself "Surely she must be talking about some poor other woman, I just need an epidural and I'll be fine."  All of a sudden there were maybe 6 nurses and one midwife and me, and those words, "The next one and the baby will be out".  Oh dear God, Bryan isn't even in the room, and this is the only reason they let him stay off the plane, and he's going to miss the second birth of his kid!  Then the door opened, there was Bryan, and about 5 seconds later, there was Brendan.

The midwife had told me about 3 seconds after Bryan walked in that there was meconium and that the wouldn't stimulate the baby to breathe, and I have to say that about 2 weeks before Brendan was born I had told Bryan that I thought that would happen...hmmmm.  Anyway, so Brendan was born, I didn't hear him cry, and I didn't really worry about it.  Bryan left my side to go and see him,  and I remember asking if I could get my epidural now.

The moments after that are pretty much a blur, for a number of reasons.  The thing I do remember is I was able to look over at the warmer where Brendan was, and there were a lot of people around him and I couldn't really see him much.  I could see one foot, and it was blue, a purplish blue, not good.  Then I recall a team from the NICU coming in, and then leaving really quickly.  It took a few minutes to settle in that they had taken Brendan with them.  I sent Bryan and I said "Don't leave him". 

The midwife and two nurses stayed with me, I was never alone, and I had no idea what was going on.  Bryan and a NICU nurse came back, and I have no idea what they told me.  Bryan didn't look really worried, so I wasn't going to worry.  I knew that Brendan weighed in at almost 9 pounds, and that was it.

A little while later my perinatologist came in, and I knew the look on her face wasn't a good one.  She said she came up because she heard that I had delievered, and then she told me "I'm sorry, but it does look like there is something wrong with his heart.  They are going to MedFlight him to San Antonio.  I'll ask when you can go and see him."  The rest of the conversation doesn't even register, all I knew was I had to go and see him.

Bryan was with me, as was my friend Denita who had come straight over from yet another send off at the gym that morning for another Squadron.  We all went in together and I was so scared for what I was going to see, and even that couldn't have prepared me.  They wheeled me as close as they could to his bed, and then I had to have help to stand and walk over to him, and there were so many many many machines and tubes and wires and monitors.  He had heart monitors on his chest, he had IV lines in his umbilical cord, he had a tube in his mouth and his eyes were puffy and shut, and for as scared as I was it went away, because he was mine.  This was my son, whom I carried and prayed for for 9 long months, he was ours and I loved him, and I was his Mom and I was going to be strong and brave and I was going to make everyone do what they had to to make him OK.